The Contrarian Mindset: Tackling the Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO)

We live in a world that constantly shows us what we could be doing—careers we didn’t pursue, trips we didn’t take, opportunities we didn’t chase. It's easy to feel like whatever path you're on, it’s somehow not quite enough. That subtle, restless hum? That’s FOMO—the fear of missing out.

In this week’s Bite Size Fridays episode of It’s an Inside Job, I explore how the contrarian mindset helps shift from comparison to clarity. Through Elena’s story—a successful architect who looked accomplished on the outside but wrestled with second-guessing and regret on the inside—you’ll see how grounding in the present transforms distraction into direction.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• How to recognize and interrupt the subtle impact of FOMO
• Tools to anchor your decisions in values rather than validation
• Why your past choices don’t need to be perfect to be powerful
• How to reclaim energy and focus from rumination loops
• What it looks like to build self-worth from the inside out

If you often feel pulled in a dozen directions by other people’s wins, this episode helps you shift from chasing everything to appreciating something—your current path.

Contrarian Strategies from This Episode

• Focus on what you can control
  FOMO thrives in the realm of comparison. Shift your energy inward by asking: What’s one action I can take today that aligns with what truly matters to me?
• Disrupt the rumination loop
  When you catch yourself spinning in what-ifs, say: That path isn’t mine. Then ask: What part of this thought is useful—and what’s just noise?
• Reframe past choices as learning
  Instead of judging yourself for a decision, write down three things it taught you. See your past as groundwork—not as missteps.
• Aim for progress, not perfection
  Others’ lives aren’t perfect—they’re curated. Reflect weekly on:
  1. What moved me forward?
  2. What did I learn?
  3. Where did I show up fully?
• Strengthen self-worth from within
  List five things you respect about how you’ve navigated challenges—not what you’ve achieved. This roots your worth in character, not comparison.

Perfect for You If You’re Asking:

• Why do I always feel like I’m falling behind—even when I’m doing well?
• How do I stop comparing my choices to others’?
• What can I do to feel more confident in the path I’ve chosen?
• How do I shift from fear-based decision-making to self-directed action?

Additional Resources

This is Part 8 of a 15-part Contrarian Mindset series—each episode helping you rethink reactive habits and grow a mindset that’s grounded, clear, and resilient.

Catch up on earlier episodes:

1. Facing the Fear of Vulnerability
2. Breaking Free from Perfectionism
3. Moving Through Imposter Syndrome
4. Overcoming the Fear of Not Being Good Enough
5. Replacing Reactivity with Response
6. Embracing Change Instead of Resisting It
7. The Fear of Deviating from the Known Path

Scroll back to Season 7 for deep dives into the 12 core contrarian skills that build lasting resilience and psychological strength.

Chapters

• 0:16 Introduction to the Podcast
• 1:42 Practical Tips for Everyday Challenges

Transcript

Speaker: 0:08

Music. Welcome to Bite Size Fridays on It's an Inside Job, your weekly dose of resilience and perspective to carry you into the weekend. In our last series, we focused on the 12 core skills of the contrarian mindsets, tools to build real, lasting resilience. But mindset isn't just about what we grow, it's also about what we face. This series dives into the fears and mental habits that quietly hold us back, like perfectionism, imposter syndrome, or the fear of conflict and failure. Most advice teaches you how to sidestep these fears. Well, this series, it helps you meet them head on, one mindset at a time, one breakthrough at a time. Music. Well, welcome back to Bite Size Fridays. This week, we are going to tackle that mindset of FOMO. That's an acronym for fear of missing out. You know, we live in a world where we're constantly shown what we could be doing. Social media, professional networks, conversations with friends. They're all full of snapshots of other people's lives. Promotions, new ventures, exotic travel, packed calendars. And it's easy to start wondering, should I be doing that too? This is the fear of missing out. It doesn't just tug at your attention. It shapes your choices, drains your energy, and over time, well, leaves you feeling like no matter what you do, it's never quite enough. But there's a different way to approach this. The contrarian mindset doesn't tell you to ignore the world. It invites you to stay grounded in your own. It helps you focus on your present path rather than the ones you didn't take. It turns your attention inward, not self-centered, but in a self-directed way because fulfillment comes less from chasing options and more from committing to the ones you choose. Now, I'd like to highlight this using a client's story. Of course, I've changed the name of that client. Let's call this client Elena. Now, Elena appeared to have it all together. A successful architect leading major projects, a solid reputation in her field, a tight-knit circle of friends, and a supportive partner. From the outside, her life looked purposeful and grounded. But behind the scenes, Elena felt unsettled, not because anything was falling apart, but because a persistent question haunted her. Was there something better that she could be doing, a path not taken, a door she hadn't walked through. At work, she often revisited decisions, commissions she turned down, firms she chose not to join, opportunities she let pass. Even as she led award-winning projects, she found herself fixating on the roads not taken. It left her feeling disconnected from the very success she had worked so hard to earn. In her personal life, the pattern echoed. Social media became a highlight reel of colleagues opening up their own studios, speaking at a global design conferences, or relocating to creative hubs like Berlin or Tokyo. These glimpses stripped of nuance, but it triggered a subtle, persistent comparison loop. Elena didn't feel envious. It was more complex. A quiet voice kept whispering, did I miss something? When we began our coaching sessions, Elena didn't point to any one problem. Instead, she described a kind of low-level hum of dissatisfaction. A feeling that she was achieving plenty, but absorbing very little of it. One moment captured this perfectly. During a recent design expo, she had chosen to attend an intimate roundtable discussion instead of a larger keynote filled with the industry leaders. This roundtable was great. Rich conversations, new contacts, ideas she was excited to explore. But the next day, well, her mind swirled with what might have happened at the keynote. Who did she miss? What insights didn't she hear? What chances passed her by? It was a familiar cycle, and it was exhausting for her. Together, we explored what was really going on. Elena wasn't just afraid of missing events. She was afraid of making the wrong choice. Underneath her FOMO was a deep desire for certainty. If she could make the perfect decisions every time, she thought, she could avoid future regret. But that's not how life works. Every choice carries a trade-off. Trying to eliminate all doubt only leads to indecision and stress. Once Elaine began to see that, the pressure started to ease. She began with an awareness, naming when she felt pulled into comparison and noticing how regret showed up. Not as a sign of failure, but as a moment to pause and reflect. She started to see her decisions as meaningful, not flawless. Each one had brought her to where she was. Her goal shifted from trying to choose perfectly to being fully present in the choice she had made. Elena's mindset began to shift from fear to clarity, from second-guessing to self-trust. This change was an instant, of course not, but slowly, deliberately, she reclaimed her focus and began to find peace with her path. She realized she didn't have to chase the perfect option. She just had to show up fully in the one she was living. Implementing contrarian strategies. What works for a land that can work for others? It is not a prescription, but a set of tools you can pick up and apply in your own way. Focus on what you can control. FOMO often leads us to focus on things outside our influence, other people's choices, past decisions, or imagined outcomes. But energy spent there is energy lost. It's like heating a house with all the windows open. So what's the practice? Well, when you notice yourself spiraling into comparison, bring your focus back to what you can shape, what you can control, what you can influence. That could be your next decision, your current task, your response to what's in front of you. Ask yourself, what's one thing I can do today that aligns with what matters to me most? Disrupt the rumination loop. Overthinking is a significant part of FOMO. You play out endless scenarios, what could have been, what might have happened, or what others are doing better. And here's a practice. I want you to try this. When you catch yourself ruminating, say out loud in your mind, that path isn't mine. Then ask, what part of this thought is useful? What part is just noise? It's about understanding the signal and parsing it from the noise. By interrupting the loop, you help to reset where your focus is. And the whole point of the contrarian mindset is to wake ourselves up from a mindset that doesn't work for us and to find a contrarian way of approaching the challenge, the complexity, the change. Reframe past choices as learning. Regret often looks back and judges, but the contrarian mindset looks back and learns. And here's a simple practice. Choose one past decision you've often second-guessed. Write down three things it taught you about yourself, your values, your work, or your relationships. This reframes your past not as a series of wrong turns, but as a foundation for growth. Aim for progress, not perfection. FOMO often stems from the illusion that others are living perfectly curated lives, but no one's life is without trade-offs. The goal isn't perfection, it's meaningful progress. In a simple practice, at the end of each week, reflect briefly on these three questions. What moved me forward? What did I learn? And where did I show up fully? You build appreciation from the momentum you create by tracking your progress, not just by the outcomes. Strength and self-worth from within. FOMO has more power when our sense of value is tied to external validation. But when we ground our worth internally, well, we're shaken less by what others are doing. And a simple practice? It's to list five things you respect about yourself. Not what you've achieved, but how you've navigated the challenges and complexity of life. This is about identity, not image. It's about anchoring in who you are, not just what you've done. You know, Elena's story isn't unique. Many of us carry some version of FOMO, especially in a world that constantly reminds us of what we're not doing. But her story reminds us that the presence is powerful, that regret can be a signal, not a sentence, and that fulfillment doesn't come from having every option. It comes from honoring the ones we've chosen. Elena found peace by shifting her focus from mischances to present value. She started living from within her life, not just reacting to the lives of others. That's the contrarian move. It's not about tuning out the world. It's about tuning in to what really matters, to your values, your path, and your pace. Because when you stop chasing everything, you start appreciating something. And that something is often where meaning lives. If you're curious to know how to build a contrarian mindset for greater resilience, fortitude tenacity psychological strength and a sense of well-being well you'll find the links to the other episodes in this series in the show notes so make sure you hit that subscribe button and i'll be back next week with my long-form conversational episodes on monday and the latest Bite Sites episode on Friday and have yourself a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend. Music.